I look around at my carefully assembled home. The plants I managed to take care of without letting them wither. The small, round table a far uncle once made. Drawer knobs I proudly painted myself. The carpet my grandmother gave me when I started living on my own at the beginning of university. Little trinkets scattered here and there which I collected through childhood. It gets blurry as tears fill my eyes.

I know it is all just stuff, but I realise how much of my identity I have put into it. My home is my space and my space is me. But the time has come to let it go. I wonder if there will be the possibility to make a home like this again. I give space to the grief I feel and cry it out for a moment.

Later that evening I make a few drawings and follow the forms and colours that appear on the paper. It reminds me that I can create wherever I am, as long as I am me. It is not that I will be less of myself when I do not have my stuff around.

The idea of not being bound or hold back by the possessions one collects through the years makes me feel lighter and also makes me see it as a chance to experience life in a different way. Through the years there often have been moments where I just wanted to grab my bags and go. To discover different landscapes and cultures. As a child I liked to picture myself as Lara Croft from Tomb Raider or as a female version of Indiana Jones. But when the time was there to go into that direction I went a different way, afraid I would not be up to the task. And so I stayed, collected and dreamt of moving out of the country.

Now that dream is becoming reality. And reality has its own way of showing itself. I am learning to take it as it comes, to not let it get me down as it once did. Although I must admit, until a few days ago I thought I could fly my way to my destination and continue my life as I always have. My naivety forgot about bureaucracy (and probably plenty of other things).

Anyway, I hope this first peek in my story hasn’t started off too gloomy. I am looking forward to go on this adventure and am curious what it will bring me and what I can bring to others. Sharing the many sides of this journey is one of the things I intend to bring. Sometimes it will be joyful and full of excitement. Other times it may show sides we rather push away. Are your feelings allowed to come to the surface, even if they do not always match with the image you have in your mind?

With both times on my sides I am stepping ahead into the unknown. With my head held high, still slightly in the clouds as it often is.

With love, Elianne

P.S. Are you about to set out on a similar journey yourself and would you like a little support? Feel free to reach out, even if you are not entirely sure.